when it's "all about me".... & then the walls crumble...

It's tragic how we can be so self-centered, so inward looking, that it takes something drastic to shake us back into right thinking and seeing.

For the past few days, I have been moaning & complaining about my wedding photographs from the KL dinner. You cannot imagine how much it was affecting me, how upset I was. I kept telling David & myself that "it's sooo silly to cry over something so trivial.. ", yet I just couldn't get out of that cycle of self-pity & regret, constantly "beating myself up" for making the wrong decisions. I knew it wasn't a matter of life & death; I knew God was trying to teach me to let go, to break my pride in this matter, but somehow it was like a claw that wrapped so tightly within me.

On Friday morning, I woke up feeling one of those moments again... beating myself up, crying, thinking of all the "what-ifs" while I kept telling myself "this is so silly... but i can't help it..."& then I received an e-mail informing me that a friend (who was invited to the dinner but couldn't make it that day) has been diagnosed with leukemia.

Suddenly, the world just swung back into perspective & reality catches up.. or rather, I catch up with reality.Suddenly the "big problem" I had... turned into a puny speck of dust not even worth mentioning anymore. Suddenly, the eyes shift focus from "me" to someone else... someone with a much, much, serious problem.

I'm so ashamed of all my complaining; disgusted by it actually when I look back... David has been reminding me to "give thanks to God for all the good & pleasant things", and I'm ashamed that it has taken me so long before I can come to such a place..

Please pray for my friend & for her eyes to look towards God too in this dark time.